Parenting can feel like a never-ending comedy show you never expected. Between tantrums in the grocery store and kids coming out with witty remarks, these funny moments show that both parents and their little ones are masters of humor!
Mom’s Final Resting Place
A 97-year-old woman sits down with her attorney to discuss her last wishes.
“I have two requests before I die,” she begins. “First, I want to be cremated.”
The attorney nods respectfully. “Of course, I can arrange that.”
The woman continues, “And second, I’d like my ashes to be scattered over the roof of the Walmart down the road.”
The attorney blinks in surprise. “Walmart? Why Walmart?”
The old woman chuckles. “Because that way, I know my daughters will come to see me at least twice a week!”
The Case of the Missing Ladle
John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, the mum couldn’t help but notice how attractive her son’s housekeeper was and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye.
John sensing what his mother was thinking said to her: “I know what you’re thinking, mum, but I assure you my relationship with the housekeeper is purely professional.”
A week later, the housekeeper told John that ever since his mother’s visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother a note that said: “Mom, I’m not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I’m not saying you didn’t, but the fact remains one has been missing since you were here.”
A few days later he receives a note from his mother. “I’m not saying you’re involved with your housekeeper, and I’m not saying you’re not. But if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would’ve found the ladle by now.”
The Birds, the Bees, and the Backfire
A mom calls her young daughter into the kitchen for “The Talk.”
Clearing her throat, she says, “Sweetie, I think it’s time we discussed… you know… sex.”
The daughter smirks and replies, “Alright, Mom! So, what have you heard so far?”
The Whisper Lesson
One evening, a little boy runs into the living room full of guests and shouts, “MOM! I GOTTA PEE!”
Embarrassed, his mom pulls him aside and says, “Sweetie, we don’t say that. Instead, just say you need to whisper if you have to go to the bathroom.”
The next night, he tries it out. “Mom, I need to whisper,” he says quietly, and she takes him to the bathroom, proud of his new manners.
Later, he finds his dad watching TV and says, “Dad, I need to whisper.”
Without looking away from the screen, his dad grins and says, “Alright, buddy — whisper in my ear.”
Secrets Unlocked
A little girl sat in the backseat while her mom was driving her to a playdate. Out of the blue, she asked, “Mommy, how old are you?”
Her mom sighed and replied, “Sweetie, that’s not a polite question to ask someone.”
The girl thought for a second and then asked, “Okay, how much do you weigh?”
Annoyed, the mom said, “That’s none of your business.”
Undeterred, the girl then asked, “Well, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mom, now clearly frustrated, snapped, “That’s enough! Stop asking so many personal questions!”
Later that day, the little girl was telling her friend about the conversation. Her friend told her, “Just go and look at her driving license! It’s like a report card.”
The next day, the girl proudly declared, “I figured out everything about you, Mommy! I looked at your driver’s license. You’re 35, weigh 145 pounds, and you and Daddy got a divorce because you got an ‘F’ in sex!”
God Will Provide… Apparently
A young woman invites her fiancé to meet her parents. After they finish dinner, her mother suggests that her father take the opportunity to get to know the young man a bit better, so the father invites him to his study for a drink.
Once they’re settled, the father starts, “So, what are your plans for the future?”
The fiancé responds with confidence, “I’m a scholar, sir.”
The father nods thoughtfully and asks, “That’s admirable, but how do you plan to provide a comfortable life for my daughter?”
