Step Two: Get a Better Look

According to science, you can never see an ear hair in the privacy of your own bathroom. The only mirror that will reveal an ear hair is the one at the restaurant you’ve chosen for tomorrow’s date. (Close second: the mirror hanging above the croissants in the boardroom where you’re about to give your presentation.)

To see what the eye normally misses, you’ll have to get creative. Carry your shaving mirror out to the yard. Go wherever there’s natural light. Even better, use your phone to take a close-up photo. With flash, my friend, *with flash.* Hold the phone up like you’re talking into the wrong side of it, pull back two inches. Snap.

Step Three: Know Where They Come From

The most sinister of these zombie whiskers grow from the part of your ear known as the tragus. That’s the little nub you press when someone’s spoiling the end of *Breaking Bad*, oversharing about their married sex life, or—worst of all—blasting Nickelback.

The traitor—I mean, tragus—is small and unassuming, but it has a dark side. Literally. Its inner side, the one that never sees the light of day, is where these sneaky hairs emerge.

Step Four: Attack the Dark Side of the Tragus

You can track down and remove these stealthy hairs by gently pinching a pair of tweezers in the zone behind the tragus. Imagine you’ve dropped the TV remote behind the couch and you’re trying to grab it with tongs without actually seeing it. (This simile works: in both cases, you’ll be shocked at what you find back there.)

If the tragus fights back, call in a professional. But in most cases, regular check-ups will keep these creatures of the night at bay. You won’t look like a *Labyrinth* character. You won’t have to wonder if your date has a lazy eye. You won’t overreact when someone calls you “distinguished.”

You’re going to be fine. Now check the other ear.