Full Dinner + Tip Covered: A second date, no excuses

And at the bottom, in bold:

Failure to comply may result in an outstanding balance being sent to collections (Chris will hear about it). Looking forward to your prompt payment!

My jaw dropped. This wasn’t a joke—he seriously thought dating worked on a transaction basis.

I immediately sent it to Mia, and minutes later, Chris called, laughing so hard he could barely speak.

“Kelly, I can’t believe this! I’ve known Eric for years, but this? Next-level insanity.”

Chris, being the king of pettiness, had an idea. He sent me a counter-invoice:

Service Invoice – Amount Due: A Lifetime of Silence

Introducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms

Convincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep reflection on why you’re single

Not Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for

I sent it to Eric. Moments later, my phone lit up with angry messages.

“Wow, really mature.”

“I was just trying to set realistic expectations.”

“You just missed out on a GREAT guy.”

I didn’t reply. Just sent a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.

The experience left me with a golden rule for dating: If a guy insists on paying, make sure he’s not going to send you an invoice afterward.

The keychain? I kept it. Not because it reminded me of Eric, but because it was a hilarious souvenir from the weirdest date of my life.