Once in the car, I asked, “You okay, baby?” Amy nodded but then began to cry. “Mom, Lisa… Lisa is mean to me when Dad isn’t around.” My heart sank. “She says things. She says I’m annoying, and I shouldn’t be there. She told me if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me. She makes me stay in my room.”
The anger inside me was almost blinding. “Amy, you did the right thing by telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, trying to stay calm. “You won’t have to be around her again if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll figure it out.” Amy nodded, wiping her tears.
When we got home, I hugged her tightly. After she settled in her room, I called Dave. He answered on the third ring. “Hey, Claire, did something happen? Lisa said you took Amy?” “Yes, something happened,” I said, unable to hide my anger. “Amy used our code word. She wanted to leave because Lisa has been awful to her when you’re not around.”
There was a long silence. “What? That can’t be right… Lisa wouldn’t—” “She did, Dave. Amy was in tears by the time we left. She’s scared of your girlfriend.” Dave sighed. “Claire, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Lisa. This isn’t okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, softening my tone. “We need to think about Amy.” “You’re right,” Dave said, sounding defeated. “I’ll handle it. I promise.”
After we hung up, I sat on the couch, emotionally drained. I realized how crucial our code word had been. It had allowed Amy to reach out without feeling vulnerable. It made me decide Amy needed a phone, despite my reservations.
Reflecting on the situation, I realized how important it was for other parents to have something similar in place. A code word might just be the tool they need in a critical moment. But, the code word is not just about picking any random word; there are a few important rules to keep in mind to ensure that you choose a good “password.”
First of all, never use common words, ones that might come up frequently in everyday conversation. The last thing you want is for the word to be mentioned casually and cause unnecessary alarm. These are words that others can easily guess like “school,” “birthday,” colors, and such. It shouldn’t be something obvious.
Secondly, consider a phrase if your child is old enough to remember it. A short, memorable phrase or a combination of two words can add an extra layer of security. It should be something that wouldn’t be easily guessed by others but is still easy for your child to recall. Phrases like “sunshine forest,” “dancing penguin,” “blue apple,” and more. It’s best to test it out to ensure your child can recall it easily even under different circumstances, like when she’s stressed or calm.
Rule number three is to role-play scenarios with your child. Practice using the code word in various situations so they understand exactly when and how to use it. This will help them feel confident and prepared if they ever need to use it.
The experience we had was a powerful reminder of how such a simple plan could make a big difference. I hope that by sharing our story, more parents will consider creating a code word with their children. It might just be the tool they need in a critical moment.
